What the solar eclipse means to me or more importantly why I call it, "the moon’s moment"
Years ago when I was stuck in an unhealthy, dysfunctional marriage and trying to wiggle my way out of the psychic confusion - the moon entered my life. The baggage I carried and the journey to freedom at times felt so large and consuming like the sun. The web of confusion, heartache and danger felt big, powerful, and at times came so close it felt like it could burn me up. In my marriage, I felt like the moon in its relationship to the sun: living in his shadow and hiding in the glare of my ex-husband’s burning ego. To preserve my safety, I had to reflect his light, not my own. Whenever I looked up at the moon, I felt like she understood me and so the moon and I became friends. Along my journey I realized the moon was not some powerless mass living in the shadows, she held the capability to create the tides and the waves in the ocean. She also was brave, a light shining through the darkest hours of the night to help others find their way. Whenever I got to feeling small and overwhelmed in the process to end this relationship, I thought about the moon. I would sit outside at night and talk to the moon and talk to the people I didn’t know looking at the moon, who would one day know my heart. Stumbling along at times, I looked for various avenues to assist me in my healing journey.
One journey took me to an online forum for people recovering from relationships with compulsive liars. In the process of my recovery, I met a dear person named Carol. Carol and I became instant friends, and our gut determination and grit caused us to become the inspirational “leaders” of this thread. Daily, we were posting about our own journeys, growth and evolution and as a result we had over 100,000 followers. Our followers were asking us questions, we were all bonded through our experiences and celebrated each other’s empowerment. We both felt like through our own recovery we were helping others recover. We were inspiring other women to take ahold of their power and choose something better for their lives. We decided to connect offline and shared our personal contact information. She lived across the Pond and we began to make plans to meet and write a book. At the end of each of our conversations Carol would say to me, “to the stars my friend” and the next time we’d talk she would say you know where to find me and I would reply, “to the moon” because I couldn’t remember if she said stars or moon. This became our joke. I would say, “to the moon” and she would say, no silly, “to the stars.” I loved Carol. Days when I felt like I couldn’t take one more step, Carol girded me up and encouraged me to keep going. On days when she felt stuck in the mire I pulled her out. The last conversation I had with Carol, was two weeks before her visit. I closed my conversation with, “I’ll be looking at the moon” and she laughed and said, “no silly the stars.” Two weeks later, I found out that Carol had died of a heart attack. I felt really sad, that my anchor was gone.
I mistakenly thought her passing was a sign to let go of the forum and focus on the future. I enrolled in Grad School and life got incredibly busy and numb. While I was so busy trying to go forward, I wasn’t honoring the pieces of me I left behind, and like the good friend she was, Carol wasn’t done holding me up. Years later, as I was getting my Reiki certifications one of my Reiki friends said to me that she saw my spiritual guide. My friend told me that my spiritual guide was waiting for me, to make room in my home for her. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about spiritual guides being people instead of animals, but I decided it was time to have that conversation, and figure it out. That night when I went to bed, I spoke to my spiritual messenger. I said, “I don’t know who you are and I’m a little freaked out by you but I am listening if you have something to say.” That night I dreamed about a women coming to me and telling me her name, and she told me she had three very important things for me to remember. I woke up from my dream and was sure I would remember everything she told me. I fell back asleep repeating her name and three important things. I started dreaming again, and she came to me and she asked “If I remembered what she had told me”. I couldn’t remember the three things she told me but I did remember her name. I asked her to please tell me the three things again, she told me that when I needed to remember, I would. I woke up that morning, with her name in my thoughts and had no idea what it meant. I got to work, and decided to start Googling her name.
First of all, I couldn’t figure out how to spell it, so I started typing it phonetically. And low and behold, she appeared. “ Matima” It took some research to find out what her name meant, in Swhaili it literally means full moon. Ah, I was so touched to find that my spiritual guide’s name, Matima, meant full moon. My discovery caused me to reflect upon all my conversations with the moon and more importantly, back to Carol. I realized she knew I would never remember to look for her in the stars, so she came back to me as the moon. After those dreams and discoveries the moon meant more to me than ever before. The moon now symbolized my ever present friends; to give me hope in the dark times and remind me of my inner strength. So as I go to watch the Solar Eclipse in Totality it is more to celebrate my friend Carol and the moon for reminding me to hold on in the dark times and believe in my inner strength. So to you Carol, my friend and guide, I’m watching while the moon has her moment and celebrating our life, friendship and journey. To the moon!